Sunday, 26 August 2007

Does anyone CHOOSE to be single?

I have seen it said before, though I can't recall where, "I am single because I choose to be single."

Oh really?

Well I am single, but I am not sure I would happily CHOOSE to be.
There is a distinct difference between being single by circumstance and being single by choice.

I don't believe that humans are built to be single, to be on their own. Yes, it can be argued that you can be happy and be single - and I don't deny that. Surrounded by friends or family or both, one can happily go through life never feeling "lonely"... one remains ALONE though.

I believe that it is everyone's want to have that one person that they can share things with. Intimate moments - not physical moments, but emotional moments, special times, precious memories. I don't think that humans were built not to have this type of relationship - you may not be religious, but there was Adam and there was Eve - 2 people, not just a singleton...

So why "choose to be single"? I don't believe that.
I think that this is an excuse, a cop out, a capitulation.

I think that when someone (and I include myself in this) says they "choose" to be single, they are saying they are either to lazy or too scared to get into relationship with another. I suppose sometimes this can be fair enough - after a long relationship, a particularly painful experience, but in the long term, choosing to be single it giving up on being in a relationship.

20 comments:

Anonymous said...

Hey Simon,

I came across your blog a few nights back and I must say I think you write really well. I have thoroughly enjoyed reading about your single life and I find it a rather interesting blog as you are showing me a wonderful insight into a man's perspective of being single.

I felt compelled to leave a comment today because Simon I am a single woman who indeed does choose to be single. I can only speak for myself but being single and being alone or on my own works very well for ME. I am elated to be on my own and happy that I control whom I let in and out of my life. I am a woman who is single all because I choose to be single I believe in individual freedom and personal responsibility and a fairness doctrine. I tend to feel confined in relationships and I don’t like feeling that relationships are an obligation. Yes an obligation. I also feel that relationships are like an institution and I am not ready to be locked up in an institution.

I have dated heaps of guys (that doesn’t sound very ladylike does it?) and not one of these relationships lasted. I do love men so please don’t think that I am out to bag men. Far from it. It’s just that for me being single works best.

I don’t believe that I am too lazy to get into a relationship as at the moment I am “hanging out” with two men whom I adore immensely and yes they both know about each other. I just choose not to commit to either one of them. I share happy memories, special events and so forth with both of them and for ME it works very well.
So I hope my comment hasn’t “pissed” you off as that’s not my intention I just felt compelled to maybe show you another perspective.

Keep up the amazing blog entries. They are truly awesome

Regards,

Reney

Simon Singleton said...

Hello Reney,

Not at all - please don't think that you have caused any offense at all. I appreciate the input and point of view of someone else. I can only speak from my own perspective, and so the input of someone else is always welcome - even if different to my own.

I can see that being single works for you, and that is fair enough. I suppose I need to consider that for some a single life is more suitable to them, for others this might not be the case.

Thank you for the time you took to comment and for visiting often. I hope you continue to do so, and enjoy reading my offering.

Regards
Simon

Jeanne said...

Hi Simon (and Reney)

I have to add my support on Reney's comments. I feel in many ways similarly to what she does. When I was newly single I coud hardly bear the thought of accepting the concept but I was challened to CHOOSE to be ok with it and no I find myself having grown past te "need" to have someone in my life. Sure it;s great to share intimacy when it happens but it's so liberating not to feel like it's 2nd best.

So here's a second vote for CHOOSING - either way.

Anonymous said...

Simon,

I hate to say this mate but Im with the girls here, I am single and choose to be and have been for the past 3 years. I find it liberating and nobody gets hurt as the girls I go out on "dates" with know exactly were they stand from the word go. Im not into sleeping around and hurting women but nothing is more satisfying for me than going out with a girl say dinner and a movie and then coming home to my space and doing whatever I need and want to do.

Thats just my take on it all

james

Anonymous said...

I think men have a harder time with "choosing" to be singe than women. Stats show a way higher percentage of men remarry than women, and they remarry sooner than the women who do remarry. Used to be women needed marriage for economic reasons and that has changed. Now people come together for more evolved reasons.

Whether you're single or in a relationship, it's a personal choice,there is no right or wrong here. But to say we were not "meant to be single" only makes single people feel like there's something wrong with them. There are many types of human relationships and single people have relationships too. You are meant to be what you choose to be.

Greg Williams said...

Hi Simon

Read your blog and find it rather interesting. I can relate to it as I am also a single male but not sure a relationship is the way to go at the moment. Time will tell

Cheers

Greg

Anonymous said...

Hello Simon,

I guess it depends on what you mean by 'choose'. I'm a single 37 year old woman and if I met the love of my life tomorrow, whilst I would have a hard time readjusting from being single as I enjoy my own company, I would definitely try because it would be worth it. However, I just never met a man I really liked who was also available, so my choice, such as it is, is more about choosing to be single in preference to being in a relationship just for the sake of it. You could say that is a cop out, or you could say that getting into a relationship for the sake of being in a relationship is a cop out from learning to be with yourself, and also not terribly fair on the other person.Anyhow, that's my twopenneth - hope you resolve your dilemma! By the way, I definitely know at least one man who actively chooses to be single - he's 50 now and still a bachelor; he genuinely prefers to live alone.

just me said...

I think it's less about choosing to be single and more about choosing to not be in a relationship.
I have a core belief that we are not designed to be alone. But also that overriding that should be some commonsense about who we choose to spend that unalone time with.
In my experience of three years single after a 13 year relationship I have met very very few people who happily and willingly choose single over coupled.

Anonymous said...

Im a male ages 26 - i only ever had the one love of my life when i was 18 and she broke my heart, since then ive been totaly confused about who i am and what i want, i can never seem to find that special person, i even thorght i may be bi but i know now that im straight!
i choose 100% to be single - sure i get lonley but hell, ive been like this for almost 8 years.
I love children to bits but i dont think id be cut out for it all, a wife ect....some of you may think hes just young blah blah but im infact very grown up for my age :)
I get too damn emotional when i get close to someone special then they just turn out to be a joke or what ever so im gonna die a lonley young/old man, as long as i have my health and enough money to get by in life then that's good enough for me.

Anonymous said...

Im 37 and single by circumstance no circumstances not choice . I feel alone - not lonely but alone and it's no fun but I have a birth defect that has left me asexual and unable to have kids . I can never be in the type of relationship where physical intimacy Is required . This darn society is so obsessed with sex no wonder I dont fit in

I have never been on a date - no not sheltered life - nor had a bf

My friends are married , heck even childhood friends are as well.

There is not someone out there for everyone that's not beimg pessimistic either - women outnumber men 4:1

And this assumption the right one will come along is a hope some have - not me

I not single by choice and didnt choose my circumstances either - if given the choice in matter - wouldnt have chosen this

I'm not a better person or stronger person because of this nor or those dumb societal quotes accurate about being stronger- no I'm not I didn't ask for this birth defect it's made me miss out in life

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Anonymous said...

Hi,

I would like to share. I am a single woman by choice. I agree with jeanne. The need for a man in my life has left me...and its been a God-sent.

For years..about seven...I wrestled with not being in a successful relationships....not having that type of intimacy...worrying about aging alone...was 21then lol...worry about not having any children. For about three years I wouod have times when i couldnt eat or sleep from the fear. I was in my early twenties and was sure my fairytale wedding and life was around the corner...I peeked ...and didnt see it!

God has really blessed me with grace. My spirit and mind are at ease now. It has been a process...Ive dated and dated but now I can walk in my singleness with confidence. It has given me such peace that I havr choosen to hold on to this. I have choosen to be single for life....and joyful..and prosperous...and blessed..and succesful...lol!

- Bailey A.